Seriously, this bearded daily laborer is in for BIG trouble. The trouble, he started not.

It (the trouble) began when President Rodrigo Duterte was seen on TV having kissed a lady while in South Korea. His action apparently stoked a howl of protest and indignation from the ranks of women folks in the Philippines.

Such an indignation had been reported by the tri-media (print, broadcast and TV).

Days later, after people having seen such a scene on TV, a group of Cordilleran and Region 1 folks visited this bearded daily laborer and demanded, “Hoy, Ah Kong, barbasan, agsurat ka man panggep ti panagbisong-bisong (kiss or kissing)!”

Whaaaat? Christ ‘Amighty! Now, how can this bearded idiot write and profoundly describe about kissing when, to be frank and truthful, he never in his life experienced having been kissed by a lady, much as he wants to and dreams about.

Most impossible “nga agsurat nak panggep ti panagbisong,” when this bearded loco has had no experience at all about kissing.

All of you say that experience is the best teacher.  But for this bearded kangaroo, having no experience at all about kissing, he can’t be the teacher and saying something about it.

Nu panggep siguru ti bisukol ah, ket wen, mabalin nga adda maibagak ta eksperto nak iti panagbisong ti bisukol.

Ag lips to lips siguro iti bisukol ken sultopem, ay ayna apoh! Eksperto nak dita.

This bearded daily laborer has never written an essay on kissing, for the more he will undertake to tell about a kiss, the more he reveals his total ignorance.

But to accommodate the group’s wish, this bearded hombre will try to pen about the trouble about kissing they have witnessed on TV.

A kiss is like a Will-o’-the-wisp (batet-tew), because it is sometimes farthest off when we imagine we can grasp it, and nearest to us when it appears to be at a distance.

Maybe the most effectual way to secure a kiss is to confer it to others, No?

Kisses admit of a greater variety of character than perhaps even our female readers are aware of.

There’s what is called kiss of affection, adoration, valediction, subjection, salutation, approbation and reconciliation. There is also what is called kiss of treachery.

Remember Judas and the so-called kiss of Judas? He kissed Jesus Christ that led to the arrest of the son of God.

But the kiss of all kisses to both a giver and receiver is when a woman (giver) gives a kiss to a man (receiver), but poutingly exclaims on the contrary, by saying, “Saan ku met ah nga inungwan isunna. Dayto ngiwet  ko nga addu ti taltalawtawen na ti nangaramid ti panagbisong.” (I did not kiss the man, it was the mouth which utters so many things, that did it.)

Or she might want to reason another way, like, “Saan ko met inungwan isuna. Nag-arasaas nak laeng idiay ngiwet na.” (I did not kiss him. I was merely whispering in his mouth).

You can’t analyze a kiss any more than you can catch the breath of a flower. You can’t tell what makes a kiss taste so deliciously good any more than you can say that a fried chicken “ket paborito dagiti ub-ubbing compara iti bisukol.”

This bearded fellow who often rests his shoulders on a Benguet pine tree where it’s cool, and tells a pine tree how a kiss tastes, hasn’t got any more real flowers to his mouth.

The only way to describe a kiss is to receive one, sit down all alone and smack your lips like you’ve eaten chocolate.

If you can’t satisfy yourself how a kiss tastes, without taking another one, then how in tarnation on earth can you define it to the next person?

We have heard people yak about the ecstatic bliss there is in a kiss, and they really seem to believe they knew all about it and swear they think they have found out how to describe a kiss.

This bearded peon could be wrong, but it should be understood he isn’t talking about pure emotional kissing, that is born in the heart, and flies to the lips, like a dove to her nest.

Neither is he talking about that kind of kissing, that smears all over the face, or about the bite kissing teenagers love to explore, like they are kissing to chew or eat somebody.

Kissing an unwilling pair of lips is the meanest robbery, like robbing the biscuit being eaten by a child, and kissing too willingly many times over – and in public is about as notorious a recreation.

Or people who give flying kisses are hopelessly the laziest persons in the world.

If you search historical records ever so carefully, you can’t find the author of the first kiss; therefore, kissing is like a writer who is anonymous.

But there’s much nature in it, such a world of language without words, such a heap of pathos without fuss, so neat a mode of striking that you may consider it a good bargain, anytime.

Like Adam, who got the first kiss.

Who can imagine a greater lump of earthly bliss, reduced to a fine thing, than kissing the first woman created by the Almighty and placed in the garden of Eden?

Adam was that one heck of a guy who had that opportunity.

We don’t know whether old and tottering philosophers ever kissed anybody. If they did, they probably did so for the purpose to prove a theory that a kiss is the best way to shut up a woman’s mouth from constant chattering, or gossiping.

Last week, while waiting for a ride along Session Road, this bearded hombre espied two young men in the act of kissing.

They romantically kissed every time they bid each other farewell, then immediately thought of something else they hadn’t said. Then they kissed again.

This puzzled bearded guy couldn’t tell, for the life of him, whether the kissing was the effect of what they said, or what they said was the effect of the kissing.

It puzzled him more because, true it is, there’s no law that bans male kissing another male, or female kissing another female.

But such a scene the bearded guy witnessed, he just couldn’t swallow what he saw. Or maybe he was just a fool of being too biased or narrow-minded.

Kissing that passes from parent to child, and back again, is the emblem of affectation.

In like manner that wife and husband kissing each other is simply, each one gathering ripe fruit from one’s own tree, that would otherwise drop off, or be stolen by somebody.

It’s said that wife and husband kissing, is like both are taking in multi-vitamins, because both supplement each other’s daily vitamin requirement.

Therefore, this bearded hobo is driven to conclude that a kiss is a dirty trick designed by Mother Nature to stop the free flow of speech or talking.

You don’t believe? Tsk-tsk! Then try talking while in the act of kissing.

If you can do so with your lips smacked onto the lips of somebody, then by all means, let’s cut off the crazy head of this bearded hombre.


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